Masturbation & Toys

Masturbation

Masturbation is touching your own body for pleasure. It can involve hands, toys, movement, imagination, or simply paying attention to sensation. It can be quick or slow, intentional or casual. It can lead to orgasm, or not. All of it counts.

Masturbation is normal across all genders, orientations, and ages. It’s one of the safest ways to explore pleasure, learn what your body enjoys, and release stress or tension. It can also help people feel more connected to their bodies, especially if sex with others feels complicated, unfamiliar, or unavailable.

There is no correct frequency. Some people masturbate often. Some rarely. Some not at all. None of these say anything about someone’s health, maturity, or desirability.

You do not need a partner to justify pleasure. Wanting to feel good is enough.

Why Masturbation Can Be Useful?

Masturbation is not only about orgasm. It can help people:

  • Learn what kinds of touch feel good or don’t

  • Feel more confident communicating with partners

  • Release stress or help with sleep

  • Explore desire without pressure or expectation

  • Reconnect with their body after illness, dysphoria, or change

For some people, masturbation is deeply erotic. For others, it’s comforting, grounding, or simply practical. It can change over time, and that’s normal.

How do I masturbate?

Some people prefer hands. Some prefer toys. Some like both. Many switch depending on mood, energy, or curiosity.

There is no more “natural” or “real” way to masturbate. There is only what feels good and fits your body and your moment.

Exploring alone can also make partnered sex easier, because it helps people understand what they enjoy and how to ask for it.

Can Masturbation be Unhealthy?

Masturbation is generally healthy when it:

  • Feels enjoyable or comforting

  • Doesn’t cause physical harm

  • Doesn’t interfere with daily life

  • Isn’t driven by panic, guilt, or obligation

Using masturbation to unwind, feel grounded, or release tension is common. Many people masturbate even when they’re not especially horny, simply because it helps their body relax.

However, It can be helpful to reflect if masturbation:

  • Feels compulsive rather than chosen

  • Is the only way you cope with stress or emotion

  • Interferes with work, relationships, or sleep

  • Leaves you feeling distressed, numb, or ashamed afterward

Reducing shame and increasing support tends to help more than trying to stop- if you’d like to seek support in this matter, you can find contacts here.

Porn, Masturbation & Guilt

Some people confuse discomfort about porn or masturbation with addiction. Feeling conflicted does not mean something is wrong with you.

Guilt often comes from messages about morality, productivity, or control, not from the behaviour itself. Removing shame usually reduces the urge to obsess over frequency.

If masturbation feels fine but the guilt feels heavy, the guilt is the thing worth questioning.

If You Want to Change Your Masturbation Habits

You’re allowed to adjust your relationship with masturbation if it no longer feels good for you. That might look like:

  • Being more intentional rather than automatic

  • Exploring different forms of pleasure or relaxation

  • Noticing what emotions come up before and after

  • Talking to a therapist or sexual health professional

Change works better when it comes from curiosity and care, not punishment.

Masturbating with Partners

Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo activity. Some people masturbate alongside a partner, for a partner, or together as a shared experience. This can include touching yourself while someone watches, masturbating side by side, or taking turns focusing on each other.

Masturbating with a partner can feel intimate without the pressure that sometimes comes with other kinds of sex. It allows each person to stay in control of their own body while still sharing closeness, arousal, and connection.

For many people, this kind of sex feels lower pressure and more relaxed. There’s no expectation to perform, last a certain amount of time, or reach a specific outcome. Pleasure is allowed to unfold at its own pace.

Masturbating with a partner can:

  • Reduce performance anxiety

  • Help partners learn what each other enjoys

  • Feel intimate without penetration

  • Work well when bodies, energy levels, or desires don’t fully match

  • Be a way to stay sexual during illness, stress, or recovery

For some couples, it’s a warm-up. For others, it’s the main event. Both are valid.

Toys can be part of masturbating with a partner, but they don’t have to be. They can add sensation, variety, or accessibility.

Some people use their own toy while a partner watches or stays close. Others use toys on each other, take turns controlling them, or share a toy together. There’s no rule that toys have to be used a certain way or for a certain purpose.

Using toys during partnered masturbation can:

  • Take pressure off hands or bodies

  • Support pleasure when sensitivity or mobility varies

  • Help people reach pleasure more easily

  • Add novelty without changing the overall dynamic

As always, checking in about what feels okay, what doesn’t, and when to stop keeps things comfortable.

Masturbating with a partner works best when expectations are clear. Some people enjoy being watched. Others don’t. Some like talking. Others prefer quiet.

It’s okay to say:

  • “I’d rather keep this to myself right now”

  • “I’m happy for you to watch, but not touch”

  • “Can we keep this slow?”

Consent still matters, even when everyone is clothed, familiar, or already turned on.

Hygiene and Masturbation

Basic hygiene helps keep the body comfortable and irritation-free.

For most people, this can include:

  • Gently washing hands before and after, and genitals with warm water afterwards

  • Wiping away fluids if needed

  • Peeing if you have a urethra, especially after intense stimulation

  • Cleaning any toys that were used

Soap is not always necessary. Warm water is often enough, especially for sensitive skin.

If lubrication was used, rinsing the area can help prevent stickiness or irritation later. Drying gently and changing into clean underwear can also improve comfort.

Masturbation does not require a full shower every time. Over-washing can cause dryness or irritation.

If you notice soreness, redness, or discomfort that lasts, it may help to take a break, use more lubrication next time, or adjust pressure and pace.

Aftercare applies to solo pleasure too. Your body still deserves gentleness and care.

What are Sex Toys?

Sex toys are objects designed to add variety, sensation, or support to pleasure. They can vibrate, apply pressure, provide reach, or simply feel different from hands. Toys can be used solo or with partners, and they are for everyone.

Using a toy does not mean something is missing. It does not replace intimacy or connection. It is simply another way to explore sensation.

There is no hierarchy of toys and no level you have to “work up to.” A small external vibrator can be just as satisfying as something more advanced. What matters is comfort and curiosity, not experience.

Bodies are not standardised, and neither is pleasure. Toys can be especially helpful for people whose bodies or experiences don’t fit mainstream sexual expectations.

Toys can support pleasure for:

  • People with limited mobility or chronic pain

  • People experiencing dryness, erectile changes, or hormone-related shifts

  • Trans and non-binary people exploring comfort with their bodies

  • Intersex people with unique anatomy

  • People with sensory differences or disabilities

  • People reconnecting with their bodies after trauma or medical procedures

There is no “default” body toys are made for, even if marketing suggests otherwise. Most toys can be adapted through angle, pressure, pacing, or positioning.

Language matters too. Some people feel affirmed using toys that align with how they see their body. Others prefer neutral or flexible designs. Both are valid.

Using toys does not mean someone is inexperienced, lonely, or “needs help.” It means they are responding to their body as it is right now.

Types of Toys

Sex toys come in many shapes, sizes, and functions. Knowing what’s out there can make choosing one feel less overwhelming and more fun.

External toys are designed to stimulate areas on the outside of the body. This can include vulvas, penises, nipples, perineums, or anywhere sensitive.

  • Small vibrators and wands

  • Bullet vibrators

  • Suction-style toys

  • Massage-style toys

They’re often a good starting point because they’re versatile, easy to control, and don’t require penetration.

Insertable toys are designed to be used inside the vagina or anus.

  • Dildos

  • Anal plugs

  • Prostate toys

  • Vaginal toys with curves or textures

Insertable toys should always be used with enough lubricant, and anal toys should have a flared base so they don’t slip inside the body.

Vibratable toys adds intensity and can help people who struggle with arousal or orgasm.

  • Some vibrate gently, others very strongly

  • Many have multiple speeds or patterns

  • Some are designed to be quiet or discreet

Vibration sensitivity varies a lot. What feels amazing to one person might feel too intense to another.

Wearable toys are designed to be used during partnered sex.

  • Strap-on dildos

  • Harness-compatible toys

  • Wearable vibrators

  • Remote-controlled toys

  • Chastity devices

These can support shared pleasure, power play, or accessibility, but they also work perfectly well solo.
A toy does not need to be expensive, high-tech, or intimidating to be effective. Many people return to the same simple toy again and again because it works for their body.

Safety, Comfort & Care

Pleasure works best when the body feels safe and respected. A few basics go a long way.

1. Choose toys made from body safe materials such as silicone, stainless steel, or glass. Avoid porous materials that can trap bacteria and are harder to clean.

2. Start slowly with new toys, especially if they are larger, firmer, or more intense than what you’re used to. Your body needs time to adjust to new sensations.

3. Lubrication reduces friction, increases comfort, and makes toys easier to use.

  • Water-based lube works with most toys and condoms

  • Silicone lube lasts longer but should not be used with silicone toys unless stated safe

  • Oil-based products are not compatible with condoms

Dryness and friction are the most common causes of irritation or small injuries. More lube usually makes things easier and more comfortable.

3. Clean toys before and after use with warm water and mild soap or a toy cleaner. Let them dry fully before storing.

If toys are shared between partners or between different parts of the body, cleaning or using condoms on toys reduces infection risk.

Pay attention to materials. Toys made from body-safe silicone, stainless steel, or glass are easier to clean and less likely to cause irritation. Avoid toys with strong smells, sticky surfaces, or unclear materials.

4. Listening to your body - Discomfort is information. If something feels painful, tingly, irritating, or overwhelming, stop. There is no benefit to pushing through. Take breaks. Change angles. Slow down. Try again another time, or not at all.

5. Store toys in a clean, dry place. Some materials react when stored together, so keeping toys separate helps them last longer.