Sex is great. STIs… less so

But fear not: knowing what’s out there (besides cute people) helps you stay safe, healthy, and confident. Here’s your all-inclusive tour of common STIs, what they are, how they show up, and how to prevent them; without losing the fun.

Some universal tips:

  • Condoms on penises and toys; change between partners/body sites.

  • Dental dams (or cut-open condoms) for oral–vulva/anal.

  • Gloves for hand play/fisting; trim nails; lots of lube and trust.

  • Testing cadence: If you have new or multiple partners, screen every 3–6 months; swab all sites you use.

  • Vaccines: HPV, Hep A, Hep B, Mpox

  • PEP & PrEP: Know where to get them locally.

  • Toy hygiene: Hot soapy water or toy-safe cleaner; boil silicone/metal if manufacturer allows; store clean; new condom for each partner/site.

  • Sick-day rule: Pause sex if you have diarrhea, new unexplained sores, fever + rash, or active genital symptoms until checked. If you’re unwell, sex won’t be fun, and that kind of defeats the whole purpose.

Chlamydia

What is it? A bacteria that loves warm, moist places. Kinda relatable for some, but not the type of friend you need- if anything, it’s more like the clingy ex of STI’s (it spreads easily!)

How it shows up:

  • Penis: burning pee; clear/cloudy drip; testicle pain/swelling; often none.

  • Vulva/Cervix: increased discharge; pelvic/abdominal pain; bleeding after sex/between periods; pain with sex; often none.

  • Rectum: pain, discharge, bleeding, itching; sometimes none.

  • Throat: usually nothing; mild sore throat possible.

How it spreads Genital/oral/anal sex; shared toys without cleaning or using condom (ideally, use your own toys)

Who gets it: Anyone who has sex.

Prevention: Condoms/dams; gloves for hand play; condoms on toys + change between partners/body parts;
lube to reduce microtears; regular testing.

Curable: With treatment, yes. Did we mention how important it is to get tested regularly?

Gonorrhea

What is it? A bacteria with main-character energy and terrible boundaries. Known as “the clap,” though absolutely no one is applauding. Extra dramatic lately due to rising antibiotic resistance; the diva phase.

How it shows up:

  • Penis: burning pee; yellow/green/white discharge; urethral itch; testicle pain.

  • Vulva/Cervix: discharge, pelvic pain, bleeding between periods/after sex; pain with sex.

  • Rectum: discharge, itching, pain, bleeding; pain on poo.

  • Throat: usually silent; sometimes sore throat.

  • Eyes: red, painful, gunky conjunctivitis.

How it spreads: Oral/anal/genital sex; toys; eye exposure to fluids.

Who gets it: Anyone who is sexually active; especially common in sexual networks with frequent oral/anal sex.

Prevention: Condoms/dams; toy condoms + washing; don’t touch eye area after contact with genital/anal fluids.

Curable: With treatment; however, as previously mentioned, it’s becoming even more antibiotic resistant, so once again- get tested regularly, because the earlier you catch it, the better!

Syphillis

What is it? Bacterial STI with stages (very theatrical!). Treatable; if untreated, it can harm brain/heart..

How it shows up:

  • Primary: single painless sore (chancre) on genitals, anus, mouth, elsewhere; firm edges.

  • Secondary: body rash (often palms/soles), fever, sore throat, patchy hair loss, wart-like anal/genital lesions.

  • Latent: no symptoms.

  • Late: neurologic/cardiac complications..

How it spreads: Skin-to-skin with sores/mucous patches; oral/anal/genital sex; toys if sores contacted then moved.

Who gets it: Anyone; higher rates in some queer networks due to exposure frequency (not identity).

Prevention: Condoms/dams/gloves help; avoid contact with sores; routine testing (3–6 months if multiple partners)

Curable: Yes- usually with penicillin.

HIV

What is it? A virus that attacks the immune system, but thanks to modern meds it’s become a chronically managed condition. Bit like a long-term roommate who used to be chaotic in all the bad ways, but is now extremely chill if you set boundaries (medication).

How it shows up:

  • Acute (2–6 weeks): fever, rash, sore throat, swollen nodes, fatigue.

  • Chronic (untreated): infections/weight loss/night sweats.

How it spreads: Anal/vaginal sex without protection; needle sharing; perinatal. Not from kissing/cuddling/sharing cups.

Who gets it: Anyone exposed to certain fluids; some groups face higher risk due to stigma, access, or low education on the virus.

Prevention: PrEP (pre-exposure); PEP within 72 hours after possible exposure; condoms; treatment as prevention (U=U); sterile injection equipment.

Curable? Not yet, but we dream to see the day! With that being said, it becomes untransmittable with treatment- meaning you can be HIV+ and not transmitting it to your partner. If having your own children is a lifegoal of yours, you can even have your own baby without passing it on.

Herpes (HSV-1 / HSV-2)

What is it? A skin-to-skin virus that is basically everywhere and in everyone. Think of it as the glitter of STI’s; once it’s in your life, it’s manageable, but it sticks around and sometimes makes surprise guest appearances.

How it shows up:

  • First episode: clusters of painful blisters/ulcers on mouth/genitals/anus; fever, aches, swollen nodes; tingling before lesions.

  • Recurrences: milder, shorter; asymptomatic shedding is common.

How it spreads: Skin-to-skin contact with area shedding virus (with or without visible sores), oral sex, kissing; toys if lesions contacted.

Who gets it: Pretty much everyone is eligible for the herpes fan club. HSV-1 is often picked up in childhood through everyday, nonsexual contact (kisses from relatives, shared utensils, playtime drool chaos). HSV-2 is usually acquired through sexual contact, especially with skin-to-skin or mucosal contact.

It’s incredibly common in queer and straight communities alike. Most people who have it don’t know, because they never get obvious symptoms, but they can still pass it on during asymptomatic shedding.

In short:

  • HSV-1: Many people get it as kids, non-sexually.

  • HSV-2: Usually acquired through sexual contact in adulthood.

  • Both types: Can affect the mouth, genitals, or anus depending on exposure.

  • All humans: Are on the guest list. Many are already attending.

Prevention: Avoid sex during symptoms; condoms/dams lower risk; daily antivirals reduce outbreaks & transmission.

Curable? Herpes is a lifelong virus that stays in the body once you have it, BUT it’s very manageable:

  • Most people have few or no symptoms after the first outbreak.

  • Many go years between outbreaks, or never have one again.

  • Antiviral medication (acyclovir, valacyclovir, famciclovir) can:

    • shorten outbreaks

    • prevent outbreaks

    • reduce transmission to partners

  • Using condoms/dams + avoiding sex during symptoms dramatically reduces risk.

  • Daily suppressive therapy makes transmission less likely.

So: not curable, but very treatable, and completely compatible with a healthy, happy, satisfying sex life.

HPV (Human Papillomavirus)

What is it? A gigantic family of viruses (over 100 types!) that show up like distant cousins at a wedding. Some cause warts, some quietly make trouble, most do nothing - but they travel fast.

How it shows up:

  • Low-risk types: genital/anal/oral warts (soft bumps).

  • High-risk types: usually silent; detected by screening (cervical/anal/oropharyngeal changes).

How it spreads: Skin-to-skin contact; oral/anal/genital sex; shared toys..

Who gets it: Nearly everyone sexually active at some point.

Prevention: HPV vaccine; condoms/dams reduce (don’t eliminate) risk; regular cervical and, when recommended, anal screening (esp. receptive anal sex, HIV+).

Curable? HPV is a virus, and there’s currently no medication that “kills” or eradicates it directly. HOWEVER, the immune system is excellent at dealing with HPV.

  • Most people (80–90%) clear the virus naturally within 1–2 years.

  • After it clears, it usually doesn’t come back unless you’re re-exposed to a new HPV type.

  • If HPV causes changes (like warts or abnormal cells), those things are treatable:

    • Genital warts: can be removed (freezing, creams, etc.)

    • Abnormal cervical/anal cells: can be monitored or treated so they don’t progress

Hepatitis A/B/C

What they are? Liver viruses.

  • Hep A is the chaos gremlin: loves butts, fingers, and food.

  • Hep B is the overachiever: spreads via sex and blood like it's collecting badges.

  • Hep C is the quiet lurker: mostly blood-to-blood, rarely announces itself.

How it shows up:

  • A: fever, nausea, abdominal pain, diarrhea, jaundice; often via oral-anal contact/food.

  • B: often silent; fatigue, jaundice, dark urine; sex & blood spread.

  • C: mostly blood-to-blood; often silent until chronic disease

How they spread:

  • A: fecal-oral (rimming, contaminated food)

  • B: sex, blood, perinatal.

  • C: blood (sharing needles, some sexual contexts esp. with mucosal injury)

Who gets them: Anyone exposed; elevated risk when sleeping with many new partners or with injection drug use.

Prevention: Vaccines for A & B; condoms/dams; gloves for anal play; don’t share needles; hygiene (dams for rimming).

Curable?

Hepatitis A:

  • There’s no “cure” needed; it is self-limiting, meaning your body clears it on its own.

  • It does not become chronic.

  • Once infected, you’re immune for life.

Hepatitis B:

  • Acute Hep B: Many adults clear it naturally and become immune.

  • Chronic Hep B:

    • Not curable with current treatments.

    • But very manageable with antiviral medication that suppresses the virus and protects the liver.

  • Lifelong monitoring is usually recommended.

BUT: Hep B is preventable with a vaccine that works incredibly well.

Hepatitis C:

Yes, it’s curable.
Modern antiviral medications (called DAAs) cure over 95% of cases with:

  • 8–12 weeks of pills

  • Mild or no side effects

  • No injections required

This is one of the biggest success stories in infectious disease- kind of like if antiviral medications were Destiny’s Child, Hepatitis C would be Beyonce.

Trichomoniasis (Trich)

What it is? A microscopic parasite that swims around like it’s in a tiny rave. Causes frothy discharge in some people; yes, frothy, like a microbrew nobody asked for.

How it shows up:

  • Vulva/Cervix: frothy, “fishy” discharge; itching; burning pee; pain with sex.

  • Penis: burning pee; discharge; urethral irritation; often none.

  • Rectum/Throat: uncommon but possible, usually mild/none.

How it spreads: Genital contact; sharing unclean sex toys.

Who gets it: Anyone; more common with penetrative anal/vaginal sex.

Prevention: Condoms; toy condoms; and you’re never going to guess this one- TESTING!

Curable? Yes- usually with antibiotics.

Pubic Lice (Crabs)

What it is? Tiny lice living in coarse hair (pubic, sometimes beard/armpit). Not a cleanliness issue. Kind of like if your body hair starts growing pets, but not cute like your doggo or catto.

How it shows up: Itching (esp. at night), visible nits/bugs, small blue-gray bite marks, brown dots in your underwear.

How it spreads: Close hair-to-hair contact; bedding/clothes occasionally.

Who gets it: Anyone with coarse hair and contact- not necessarily sexual.

Prevention: Avoid close contact until treated; launder bedding/clothes hot.

Curable? Yes, with special shampoos and/or creams.

Scabies

What it is? Mites that burrow into your skin like tiny, disrespectful contractors who did not get planning permission. Not dangerous, just outrageously itchy.

How it shows up: INTENSE nighttime itch; thin burrow lines/bumps on wrists, fingers, genitals, waistline.

How it spreads: Close hair-to-hair contact; bedding/clothes occasionally.

Who gets it: Anyone; thrives in close-contact households/communities.

Prevention: Avoid skin-to-skin until treated; treat household/close partners simultaneously.

Curable? Yes, with Permethrin cream or oral ivermectin, with the doctor’s guidance.

Shigella (Shigellosis)

What it is? Not the name of a fierce drag queen, but a gut bacteria causing infectious diarrhea; very contagious; some strains antibiotic-resistant.

How it shows up: Sudden diarrhea (sometimes bloody), cramps, fever, nausea; dehydration risk.

How it spreads: Fecal-oral: rimming, fingers, toys, contaminated surfaces/food; microscopic amounts count.

Who gets it: Anyone; noted in sexual networks with oral-anal play.

Prevention: Handwashing; dams for rimming; clean nails; toy cleaning; avoid sex during diarrhea and for at least 2 weeks after symptoms resolve (the fantastic nurses at Mater Dei’s GU Clinic would be able to guide you better).

Curable? Yes, usually within a week.

Mpox

What it is? A virus from the smallpox family, NOT from monkeys. (The monkeys have asked us to clarify this.) Spreads through close contact and loves to leave dramatic skin souvenirs.

How it shows up: Fever/chills/aches; swollen nodes; then rash → pimples → blisters → ulcers → scabs; genital/anal lesions can be very painful; rectal pain/bleeding; sore throat if oral lesions.

How it spreads: Skin-to-skin and mucosal contact with lesions/fluid; prolonged face-to-face; bedding/towels; sex is very efficient contact.

Who gets it: Anyone with close contact; recent outbreaks disproportionately affected gay/bi men & trans women through network effects.

Prevention: Avoid contact with rashes; condoms help but don’t cover skin; discuss symptoms; clean bedding/toys.

Curable? People usually recover fully between a very painful 2-4 weeks.