Anal Sex

Anal sex is a common and normal part of many people’s sex lives. It can involve penetration, oral–anal contact, fingers, toys, or external stimulation. Some people love it, some people are curious, some people try it once and decide it’s not for them. All of those are valid outcomes.

While it’s especially popular with gay/bisexual men (MSM- Men who have Sex with Men), anyone can enjoy it!

Anal sex is not dirty, dangerous, or only for certain genders or sexualities. It does, however, benefit from preparation, communication, and care.

Some of you may have heard of the terms top, bottom and versatile- these terms describe what someone usually enjoys doing during sex, not their gender, personality, or power dynamic.

A bottom is someone who enjoys receiving anal penetration.

Bottoming can feel:

  • Physically pleasurable

  • Emotionally intimate

  • Relaxing or intense

Bottoming does not always mean being passive, submissive, or less in control. Many bottoms actively guide pace, depth and movement, or dominate- those who do, are often called power bottoms.

A top is someone who enjoys penetrating their partner during anal sex.

Topping can involve:

  • Physical pleasure

  • Feeling connected or attentive

  • Responding to a partner’s body and signals

Being a top does not automatically mean being dominant, aggressive, or emotionless. Good topping requires awareness, communication, and care- especially when being dominant! Important to note that just like bottoms can be dominant, some tops can be submissive.

Vers, short for versatile, describes someone who enjoys both topping and bottoming.

Vers people may:

  • Switch roles depending on mood or partner

  • Enjoy different roles with different people

  • Enjoy both within the same relationship or encounter

Being vers does not mean being indecisive- it means having range!

None of the above?

A side is someone who does not enjoy anal penetration, either giving or receiving.

Sides may enjoy:

Being a side is not a phase, fear, or limitation, it’s a valid sexual preference, and it’s much more common than you think.

Anal sex is not a requirement for good or “real” sex- if you’re not into anal, and a partner tries to convince you otherwise; get away from that red flag!

Anal sex is commonly understood as when a penis is inserted inside an anus.

But it can include:

  • External touch and pressure

  • Rimming (Licking the anus)

  • Fingering (Inserting finger in the anus)

  • Toys

  • Fisting (Inserting fist in the anus)

Some people experience intense pleasure. Others find it neutral or uncomfortable.

Pleasure is individual. No response is more correct than another..

Understanding the Anus

The anus (commonly known as the hole!) is not self-lubricating and is surrounded by muscles designed to close, not open. This means:

  • Lube is essential

  • Going slowly matters

  • Relaxation makes a huge difference

  • Pain is a signal to stop, not push through

Anal pleasure comes from nerve endings around the anus and, for some people, internal structures like the prostate or sensitive internal tissue.

Pleasure varies widely from person to person.

Lubrication is your bestie

Because the anus does not self-lubricate, lubricant is essential.

  • Water-based lube is condom- and toy-safe

  • Silicone lube lasts longer and is popular for anal play

  • Reapply often

If something feels dry, tight, or uncomfortable, pause and add more lube- remember that lube protects both the bottom and the top- dry friction can cause frenulum tears, which you can read more about here.

Anal Sex & Safety

Using condoms:

  • Reduces STI risk

  • Makes clean-up easier

  • Protects delicate tissue

Change condoms:

  • If having a break and continuing

  • If switching from toys to bodies

  • Between partners

Anal Sex & STI’s

Anal sex can carry a higher risk for some STIs because rectal tissue is delicate.

Risk is reduced by:

  • Condoms

  • Adequate amount of lube (prevents rectal/penile tears which cause blood transmission)

  • Regular testing

  • PrEP for HIV prevention if relevant

  • Avoiding sex during active symptoms

Anal sex is not reckless. Uninformed anal sex is

Communication & Consent

Anal sex shouldn’t always be assumed.

You can ask a potential partner if:

- they are into anal

  • they prefer topping, bottoming, both, or neither?

  • What helps them get comfortable?

  • How should we slow down or stop if needed?

Changing your mind is always allowed.

Preparation & Hygiene

There’s a lot of online pressure on douching,
but douching is optional and a bowel movement (a good poop!) and a shower, especially for those who eat a lot of fibre and drink a healthy amount of water!

Some people choose to douche before anal sex for comfort or peace of mind. Others do not douche at all and have no issues.

If you choose to douche:

  • Use lukewarm water only

  • Avoid soaps or chemicals

  • Keep it gentle and minimal

  • Stop if you feel discomfort

  • Check out this resource.

Over-douching can irritate the rectum and increase STI risk.

Hands & Toys

  • Clean Hands & Trim nails

  • Use gloves for fingering or fisting

  • Clean toys before and after use

  • Do not move toys from anus to another without cleaning or changing the condom

Aftercare

Some people feel sore, sensitive, or emotionally tender after anal sex. This is normal.

Aftercare can include:

  • Cleaning up gently

  • Rest and hydration

  • Cuddling & Physical closeness

  • Reassurance and check-ins

Seek medical advice if you experience:

  • Severe or ongoing pain

  • Heavy bleeding

  • Numbness

  • Symptoms that do not settle